Life~

I ran close to 30 miles this week, not to mention the countless walks while in  Sunriver…. I should be rail thin…..sadly I am not.  In fact my great plan to lose 14 more pounds has somehow been shattered as I have gained 6.  I am re-focused.    Making healthy choices one minute at a time.

Yep We are in..

Somewhere in the midst of boxes, dust,  and high levels of stress you will find me wishing I could just curl up and sleep.  I found myself thinking how dayquil just isn’t like it used to be  ( I think I have only used once or twice).  In a nut shell I feel crummy, my house is a total wreck, I need to work and I have a “to do” list the size of King Kong!  Off to bed I will go.

Just an FYI

After 5 long, very long, years I am excited to announce I am back in the 130’s, Hallelujah, and I am wearing a size 8 again. I am very excited and I am very proud of myself!!

Off to Yoga!

Right of passage

Now I know there are certain things that should not be blogged about, there is a line that one would not like to cross. Tonight I am straddling that line. I think most of my readers are female and will truly laugh at this post. However, on the chance you are a loyal male reader, or worse a male reader I know you might want to skip this post. At least just don’t ever tell me you read it, as I will be truly embarrassed.

Now that I have your total attention I must back up a few weeks so you can truly appreciate my situation. It was sometime in November when I began having thoughts about what I would buy Joel for Christmas. I was trying to think outside the box. I had heard friends over the years talk about getting a bikini wax. I have always been to embarrassed and afraid of the pain to ever even begin to think of it. Well, sometime in November I thought OK I will bite the bullet and get waxed. After all I am probably the only woman my age to have never had this done. Its like a right of passage into womanhood. I was reminded of a program I saw on OPB. Young boys in Africa going through some horrific rituals as a right of passage into manhood. In comparison this should be cake. And to be honest, probably too honest, after 10 years of marriage I was trying to be adventurous. So I made my appointment and suffered through the pain. However, I was too embarrassed to say what I wanted and sadly the waxer was not assertive enough to tell me what I needed. So I wasted the money and suffered in pain for not a significant difference.

Now fast forward to this week. I have a minor health problem that leads me to the doctor. I was treated and sent home with vicodin. Sometime in the next 24 hours I had a great idea. I’m sure it was a drug induced idea but none the less I thought it would be brilliant. I have taken vicodin before and you can ask anyone I get really talkative and then really tired especially if I take two. I made a plan to get me that wax job I truly wanted, the kind that would stop Joel in his tracks. It was brilliant I thought I would take two vicodin to ease my pain from the real health issue, take a hot bath and then I would be drugged enough to wax myself painlessly. I somehow doubt that was the intended use of the drug. Hopefully my doctor is not a blogger and doesn’t get wind of this, heaven forbid my chart would be flagged.

There I was relaxing in the tub, making a plan. I thought back to all the steps the Pro took to wax me. After all on HGTV they always have do it yourself programs that lead you to believe you can be just as good as the professionals. Home improvements, waxing, no biggy SO I thought why not, I can do this, how hard can it be? Especially drugged. Right? WRONG! Here comes the fun part. I start feeling the vicodin kick in so I promptly exit the tub, I do have enough where with all to know being too drugged would not be good, so timing is everything. I think first I’ll put a hydrating face mask on, I figure it will only take me about 15 mins, just enough time to hydrate my face and you know how I love to multi-task. After all I want a pretty face to go with this amazing wax job. Again, brilliant I think. I then proceed to the prep work of the wax, of course following the professional example. I have a thought “go big or go home” so I prepare for a major wax. All appears to be going well until I apply the first bit of wax. I remove the wax to discover that the vicodin is not quite strong enough. Sadly, because of the the over excitement in my prep work and the new partial bald spot I had I was now committed to the cause. I proceed to discover my wax, of course from Great Mart, doesn’t remove hair, it appears to only remove the top few layers of skin. I wonder where the professionals get their wax, again another drug induced thought, as if I was ever going to attempt this again. SO there I stand half naked in my bath room wondering if this was the look I was going for. I proceed thinking the vicodin was really going to kick in and it was going to get easier. So I press on for the next 3hours. At this point I was only attempting to achieve a semi- professional look. Unfortunately, the only look I achieved was one of a plucked chicken with a cracked face. I somehow had forgotten my face mask. Joel enters the bathroom, the look on his face says it all. I head back into bath to ease my newest pain. I had wax from my knees to my belly button and sadly everywhere in between. It was not a pretty site. By now all my vicodin had worn off and I am on the edge. I ask Joel what he thinks, secretly hoping he is not going to notice the patches of remaining hair doused in blood. He giggles and tells me “It looks like it hurts. Only you Koya, only you” He shakes his head and goes to bed. On the verge of tears I decide to call it a night. Maybe tomorrow I can finish, at least my face is well hydrated I think. I hobble off to bed. The tracks I had hoped to stop Joel in where now dividing the bed in two. I whimpered in pain and he dared not cross. This morning I wake to find it wasn’t a nightmare and sadly I still look ridiculous. One would think the fact that I can’t wax my own eyebrows with out looking like a clown would have been my first clue. My advice to you is pay the professionals when it comes to home improvements and waxing. Now that all the pain medication is out of my system I am remembering most of those HGTV do it yourself shows leave me laughing at the results, unfortunately my results are comical as well. The question is do I just cut my losses and look ridiculous for a few weeks or go back to the Professional with my head hanging low is shame that I was so dumb to think I could possibly do her job on my own.

I had another brillaint idea for a Christmas present that I ordered online that has yet to arrive, lets

hope that goes a little better. Ah another post in the works.

Organic

My sister told me recently that I was turning into a food snob.  Since I already tend to be a snob, or so I’ve been told, I figured I would run with it.  My love for all things organic continues.  I found Wal-Mart, aka the Great Mart, has increased its organic products.  Which is great for me because grocery days tend to be running from one store to the next just to find the items.  I mentioned earlier a local discount grocery store carries a lot of organic, unfortunately they don’t always have the same items.  So it tends to be hit or miss.  I have found great cookies, granola bars, chips, and soups, not to mention my favorite Mrs. Meyers items there.  My new favorite cookies, besides my own, is from Country Choice.  Their site even gives you great organic recipes.  Check it out!

What I am most excited about is my current find from the Great Mart.   It is Amy’s organic refried black beans.   The best thing is that they are not that much more than your basic can.  They are SO delicious.  I wake up thinking how soon until lunch, or is refried beans considered a breakfast food?  They even get Joel and Elijah’s approval.   I made tacos with them for the boys, (Gaige doesn’t like any food so his vote doesn’t count.)  and I had them plain with small dollop of sour cream and salsa.  So good.

I am currently on the hunt for organic whole wheat pasta.  I am going to convert all our pasta to whole wheat.   Also you should check out organic ketchup.  If you love ketchup you must go organic to get the flavor.

Time to Recap!

Here is the last few weeks in a nutshell;

 

Nephew, really sick.

Sister, sick, twice.

Mother, sick.

 Grandma, Heart attack scare sprinkled with social services.

Other sister tells us of her upcoming move & no Christmas together.

Nephews sick again.

My boys, sick.

Joel sick.

Joel’s  Nam’s (grandma) house was flooded

Elijah now with pinkeye!

 

and a few more I won’t mention…

 

I WILL, I WILL rejoice and be glad! (no matter what!)

One day at a time

There is a fine line in exposing too much, really a fear. Please love me in spite of the good and the bad.

A few months ago I tried my hand at making my very first homemade cheese cake. To my surprise it was easy to make and mighty tasty. Over the follow 3 days I proceeded to gorge myself on that delicious cheesecake. Why am I telling you this you might ask. Well I started a new “diet” nearly 3 weeks ago and I so cleverly named it, “Don’t eat a whole cheesecake in (less than) 3 days by yourself” During the last 3 weeks I enjoyed 2 Thanksgiving dinners and I have made 2 more cheesecakes. Carmel pecan cheesecakes to be exact. This year I have had a lot to be thankful for and one of the things I am thankful for is I had the pleasure of making those cheesecakes for my loved ones to enjoy and that I didn’t have one bite. I never quite understood the way my mom always enjoyed cooking/baking. She seemed to enjoy our enjoyment of the food more than preparing the food. I can now understand. To see my family enjoy something I made for them was very rewarding. Tonight I am up preparing yet another cheesecake.(yep its 1am) This time it is a pumpkin pecan cheesecake. I am making this wonderful treat for my coworkers as a celebration of my new position that will allow me to work solely from home.

I am confident in my latest temptation. You see back in the first week of November I had a revelation that I was still bound by my ongoing weigh/body issues. Sadly, I have struggled with body issue for as long as I can remember. I have cried out for years for freedom in this area of my life. During that 1st week of the 11th month I could feel myself slipping into a dark season I unfortunately knew all too well. For me it has been a viscous cycle. Change even though needed has at times seemed too overwhelming and required more than I was willing to give. I have laid down this issue more times I can count yet I somehow always seem to find myself back in the of throws of the lies before I even realize. I have read countless Godly self help books on how to be free. I have sought Godly counsel yet I keep getting in the way. Unless you have felt this lie alive and active in your life it is hard to understand (I pray that you never will know the pain this lie causes). The lie tends to infiltrate every area of my life. The depths of my struggles are hard to convey and all together to hard to admit. It seems like a no brainer, no biggie but sadly I have bought it. The lie in a nut shell; my self worth is directly related to the size, shape of my body.

On November 14 at 2pm I committed to change,

One day at a time.

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Overwhelming

I am always amazed at how fragile life is. We heard this morning my Grandma was admitted to the hospital after having a heart attack (they think)  with many other ( I am unsure of the depths) complications. I have been listening to Here by Kate White. The song talks of how life can simply be overwhelming, and how its hard to see what God sees. I love the way the song puts to music so beautifully how I feel. So Heavenly Father I ask that your Holy Spirit would flood my family and your peace would be made known in our lives. Spirit come and comfort Grandma and Joe.

As most, ok maybe just some, of you know my nephew is sick and was transported up to one of the major hospitals in Portland. Well, we still don’t know much and to be quite honest I am too tired to blog about what I do know. So maybe tomorrow I will give you an update. As for now please keep praying for him.

my week has been a tid bit crazy!

Sorry about the delay in the update! I had my endoscopy as planned on Monday morning. Thank you to all my friends who prayed for me! It went really smooth with no adverse reactions to the meds. However after they had wheeled me back into the procedure room the doctor informed me that over 90% of the time they don’t find anything abnormal when in fact there is truly a problem. As I felt the anesthesia enter my arm and instantly take affect I had one simply question. Then WHY the heck was I having the test done? Too late I was feeling the silly feeling before they could even tell me to role over. It was an odd feeling I can remember tid bits of the procedure, hearing them talk, seeing my esophagus on the tv screen and waking up next to Linda in the recovery room insisting I had watched it all! I was home by 11:30 and slept for the next 6 hrs. Thankfully I have wonderful family to take such good care of me, Linda patiently sat with me and encouraged me, and my parents took the boys for the afternoon! Like so much else in my life I couldn’t have done it with out them! The doctor said everything looked normal but he did take a few biopsy’s. I am assuming those were the source of my pain for the last 48hrs. I will not know anything for at least a week. I will keep you posted!