My Apologies

 

It was not my intention to add fuel to the flame, or to offend anyone.

Please forgive me if I offended you.

Out of honor and respect, I deleted the post.  

Quick update

Here I am!  Here I am, old friend!  It’s been quite a while since my last post, but I assure I am still here. Here knee-deep in life.  Knee-deep in trying to be a wife, mother, housekeeper, student nurse, friend, and of course knee-deep in trying to do it all while  bringing glory to God.  I’m tired, I’ll admit.  As much as I can’t wait for this season of my life (school) to be over, I have found myself fighting the impending changes.  I am trying hard to take it day by day, but my mind wanders with what if’s.

In the midst of all this chaos I have learned to knit.  I am so in love.  I have lots of things I love to do, but this just might be my favorite!

Insanity

Doing the same thing over and over again, yet expecting different results; or expecting the pain to be dampened, yet it’s not.

Sucks! Really, really sucks!

No matter what I do it sucks.

Doing the right thing only confirms the hurt.

Digging my heels in just exacerbates  the situation.

Merry Christmas

Christmas was great, fun times spent with family.

The tree is now down and the house is clean.

On to celebrating Rachel’s birthday and enjoying the rest of our holiday break.

Rough draft

Found this “draft” from over two years ago.

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PRIDE

Don’t think it’s an issue in your life or are you way to “mature” in your walk to deal with an issue like that!   If I may be so bold to say if you agree with my opening sentence or you have a better opening sentence than I came up with about how you are above pride, odds are you have a pride issue.  I will admit it, own it, I struggle with pride.  Even as I sit an type I cringe on the inside, fearing the realness of my flesh being exposed.  Pride comes is all shapes and sizes.  It hides in the shadows and has a way of concealing its true identity.

I am reading a great book about living a life in complete surrender to Jesus.  It is a great book, by one of my favorite authors.  However, I can’t seem to get past the chapter on pride.  As I read the chapter, it outlines the rise and fall of many a kings in the Bible and the role pride played.  I thanked the Lord that pride was not my issue.  I was greatful for the season in my life that I had recognized and “dealt” with pride.  I thought nothing of following the lead of the author and praying daily for an ability to not only see current pride but to also see seeds of pride.  In hopes of continuing my pride free life I prayed on.  What was about to be revealed  was a shocker to say the least.

First, I began thinking about a friend that I had bared my soul to.  Sadly, the friendship was short lived and I was left feeling uncovered.  I began thinking about her trusyworthyness and the amunition I hand willingly handed over to her.  I was consumed with what and how she would use what I had shared with her.  What about our common friends, I could hear her sharing my issues convincing them of my unworthiness.  I spent days agonizing over this.  I came to realize that my pride was rearing it’s ugly head.

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Isn’t it amazing the no matter the season we find ourselves in our flesh has a way of constantly needing to be checked.  I can’t remember what book I was reading at the time I wrote this nor the friend I am referring to.  Although the reminder that pride is ugly is important, what stands out to me is the beauty of being transparent.  Truly transparent.  Not sure many of us know how to do this, not sure I have truly grasped this.  I have had it labeled weakness and even been told it is just my emotional side.  But I don’t accept that! I assure you being transparent isn’t for the faint of heart, it takes strength!  As far as my emotions, well we all know I have them but being real with you, transparent about my hurts, fears, disappointments,or even my issues does not being I am being ruled by my emotions.  It simply means I want to walk with you as Christ intended, sharing our burdens (Galations 6:2, Romans 15:1 & John 13:34).  So that we can run in relationship into the fullness of God.  Wouldn’t it be beyond grievous if one’s God given potential was less than fulfilled because we were unwilling to walk with them, encourage them, and/or believe with them through their burdens!

 We are called to be transparent, even when our pride may be damaged.  It is here we show the power of God in our lives, in my weakness/issues/struggles/fears He is made strong!

The thought of transparency provokes me to want to study it out, to make sure I am moving in the right direction, and that my thinking lines up with the word of God….off to study~

Thinking…..

“Give me vision to see things like you do..
Give me wisdom!”

Thinking about the song I posted just a few days ago,

Praying that HIS vision, perspective, would become my own.

This is easy to say when the season is right or the hurt is far.

Not so easy when the temptation to nurse and rehearse one’s hurt and offenses are ever present.

God I look to you,  give me vision to see things the way you do!!!