14 years old

14 years ago my heart was awakened to a new found love. A love that my heart had never known, a love that would transform who I was, and a love that was just the beginning! As we celebrate Elijah’s 14th birthday today, we celebrate the love he awoken in our hearts and celebrate the truly AMAZING man of God that he is growing into. I still look at my sweet, 14 years later, with wonder in my eyes. How did God bless me with such a boy to call me his momma? He is truly remarkable! I know we think that way about all of our kids, or we should at least, but I tell you there is something special about this boy that can not be denied. There is a destiny in this kid. There is a love for truth, a love to honor, and a love to work hard in this boy that not even a momma could exaggerate. 14 years ago today was one of the best days in my life!

Happy Birthday to my sweet, Lij.

You are loved; you are amazing!

He’s the one

This weekend Joel and I celebrated our 17th year of marriage.  We were fortunate enough to sneak off for the weekend together.  Over the course of 24 hours we discussed our courtship, the proposal and the 17 years that followed. 18 years ago I was preparing to leave for Cambodia and Joel was headed to YWAM.  We decided that we should not continue to date.  I left for Cambodia with a broken heart knowing that God had a plan for me which may or may not include Joel.  Fast forward 7 month and Joel proposed (we still weren’t dating at the time of the proposal).  6 months after that we said I do.

This weekend we were discussing what in the world our parents were thinking of us two getting married.  I often think how God knew what I needed in a man, and how even in my ignorance He had a plan.  Because really how can an 18 year old know how to pick a husband?   I made the comment that my parents probably knew we would get married with or without their blessing.  Now mind you, Joel and I were not dating at the time he proposed and had not discussed marriage at all. Joel stopped me and said “NO!  I would have not married you without your parents blessing. I would have honored your dad, and waited for his blessing or trusted that God had someone else for me… And I would not have told you anything”  I sat in the car thinking about how that would have played out.  Somewhat like a movie I imagine, a really romantic movie where years later I would learn of his sacrifice.

His statement to me about honoring my dad and being respectful of my dad’s wishes, in spite of his own desires and/or wishes left me with a simple reminder of who Joel truly is.  Joel is a man who has faced adversity, been lied about and to, stole from and dismissed.  Yet he has always strived to be respectful and honoring.  He hasn’t always succeeded; nonetheless he consistently tried and tried again to always do the right thing.  His character and integrity have shown through his commitment to strive to always do the right thing!  Because of his commitment he has consistently found favor, and our family has been blessed because of his commitment.

In moments like these I am reminded that he is the one for me.  He was then and he is still today.  I love him so very much.  I am so honored to be the wife of a man of integrity, honor and respect. To have a man that is committed to pursuing the right thing no matter what!  I pray that I never lose sight of who Joel is and the man of God he was created to be!

October 20, 2000. Happy Birthday Elijah

Today is a very special day.  Nine years ago a love was awakened in me like I never knew could exist.  My sweet Elijah entered this world and has brought a steady stream of joy to our family ever since.  Like most moms, I am of the opinion that my son is of an elite group, a group that is truly extra special, kind, lovable, beautiful, and of course brilliant.  I even have the proof, but that is a whole other entry.  Today has brought about a realm of emotions I didn’t expect.  First, shock.  After all I am WAY too young to be the mother of a 9-year-old.  Second, I am flabbergasted by the way in which time seems to be flying by.  I can still remember the way Elijah moved about in my tummy and the pain his sweet little body created as it stretched for room insisting my ribs move in ways they were not created to move.  Thirdly, and the most abundant overwhelming feeling I am encountering today is the love I have towards this boy.  Words can not even begin to capture the way in which I love him.  On a daily basis I recognize the blessing Elijah is to our family and I love him more and more everyday.  However,  today as I took the time to acknowledge the anniversary of this awakening in me I am amazed by the flooding of love that I feel,  towards Elijah, towards Joel, towards God but mostly from God.  The way he has loved me, entrusting me with this child is a testament to his love for me.

As I drove to school today I played out how our evening celebration would go.  I imagined how excited Elijah would be when he discovers that this momma bought him a BEARDED DRAGON.  (to say I am proud of myself would be a tad understated, after all it is a reptile and eats live food.  Enough said)  I could hardly contain my excitement.  I called Joel to see if I really had to wait until he got home to give it to him.  I couldn’t even focus in class as my tummy rolled with anticipation.  After class I promptly made my way to the pet store.  As I made my purchase,  unable to even touch the little sucker, I told the store owners of my great plans.  They seemed a bit concerned about the well being of the dragon, rightfully so I imagine.  Nonetheless,  I made my way home with it caged in my back seat.  As I drove home I began to think of how much God loves us.  To be honest I am not sure I can even begin to fathom the amount of love he has for me.  I began to imagine Jesus hearing my prayers and asking the Father “now, now can we give her the desires of her heart?”  I was reminded of how I prayed for a third child, I prayed,  PRAYED for  another child.  Can’t you just see Jesus, knowing Rachel was to be our daughter, eagerly awaiting the perfect timing of our Heavenly Father.  I began to cry as I felt the love a Jesus engulf me.  My love for Elijah pails in comparison to the love our Heavenly Father has for us.  The perfection of His love is truly beyond comprehension, yet He extends it so freely.

6 days and counting

Our plans of celebrating this weekend are on hold.  However, my thoughts about the past twelve years have been flooding my mind.  I would like to say marriage is easy, that once the vows are spoken it somehow ensures a road ahead of peace, ease and one always smelling of roses.  Unfortunately, life can be cruel and choices have to be made.  In my opinion a successful marriage must include a willingness to not only identify but eliminate selfishness.  This is hard.  I have failed time and time again, and unfortunately at times refused to be unselfish.

Every night when I venture into my childrens rooms before I head to bed I am reminded of the need to be selfless.   I love my children more than myself and refuse to let my selfishness affect their well being.  Am I saying divorce is a product of selfishness? or Are parents that divorce sacrificing their children for the sake of their selfishness? YES! I know I run the risk of greatly offending some who wear the scares of divorce. Nonetheless, I think the culprit for the failure of most marriages is selfishness.  That may be a little deeper than the post I intended.  What I want to convey is that my children provoke me to want to make my marriage successful.  My love for them limits my selfishness and causes me to look at Joel in a whole new light.

More thoughts

It is now only 9 days until our 12th anniversary.  I imagine the day will come and go much like today or maybe tomorrow.  A day to reflect, but more so to dream with one another about our future together. Getting caught up in the day seems frivolous much like the wedding day itself.  I remember thinking the wedding day was so important, all the details, the right this and the perfect that.  Really, I have forgotten who was there, what my flowers were and how the cake tasted.  What I do remember is my father walking me down the isle handing me off to my beloved husband.  Whom at the moment neither of us truly knew of the wonderful husband he would become.

As I thought today of what has helped our marriage be successful I was reminded of how our parents modeled love.  Our parents loved in richer and in poorer, in sickness and in health,  and they truly paved a way for us.

We owe so much to our parents.  It is one of our greatest honors to be a product of their love!

Love

In 11 days Joel and I will celebrate our 12th wedding anniversary.

Here is my two cents on why I think Joel and I have been successful in still loving one another~

Love is an action, not a feeling.

Love is a choice.

Joel

I could make a list of all the reasons I love Joel, instead I will tell you of one.  He is confident in who he is, no changing, no conforming.  He is even confident in who I am or who I strive to be.  He calls it as it is and doesn’t hesitate to keep me in line.  Tonight as my bad attitude tried to take hold he so graciously brought me back to reality with love.  He is more than I could have ever hoped for, more than I could ever deserve, and He loves me beyond belief.  He is Simply Joel.

Happy I Love You Day~

Love is seeing the good and the bad in someone and still choosing to love them.

Love is a choice.  Christ modeled this love so greatly.  He sees us in our filth and continual sin yet He still chooses to love us.

I pray your day is filled with the purest love of all.

Also Happy Birthday to my Mom.  I love you and am blessed to have such a Mom.